WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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