I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
