i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it because I queefed?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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