i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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