I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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