If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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