Heybabeimwearingurpanties
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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