I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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