...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
