I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
