i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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