I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
