My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
