She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
