Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
