I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
