i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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