If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
