Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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