This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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