oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
