is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
