Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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