The maid of honor just puked.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
