I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
