Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
