if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
