I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
