what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
