moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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