Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
