This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
