a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
