my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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