Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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