My room smells like vodka and shame
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
