if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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