Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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