If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
