two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
