glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
