Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
