I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
