I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
