hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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