I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
