She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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