Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
