Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
