So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
