ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
