as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So many bounce houses so little time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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