and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
