We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
