HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
