he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
