he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
