His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
