I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
